For those of you out there who just so happen to suffer from this insane cramping and splitting of the brain, you know what I’m talkin’ about. Migraines suck. Horribly.
I’ve suffered from their debilitating touch since I was in the fifth grade. At least that’s my earliest memory of an attack. At the time, I didn’t know what they were and neither did my parents. We just thought they were headaches. I wasn’t diagnosed with the evil humors until I was in the eighth grade. And since then, have been on a multitude of medications. . . all in an effort of preventing, halting and reducing their intrusion on my life. Have I mentioned that they suck?
For those of you who are unaware, Migraines, fall under what is known as an invisible illness. Yes, if you know me, you know when I’m suffering, but most people don’t notice anything different about me when I’m in the middle of an attack. My husband says my face literally changes. There are times when he can see the changes on me before I really feel the migraine hit. (Now that’s love! :) )
When an attack is happening, my brain literally feels as if it’s about to explode within the confines of my skull. The pressure inside my head is insane! Simply taking a deep breath sometimes feels like my eyes are gonna pop out. The pain varies from episode to episode. Sometimes it will come on so hard and so fast that my stomach revolts before I can do anything about it. The necessary task of breathing takes on a new and painful meaning. Each inhale sends my skull into a spray of sparks and each measured exhale causes my vision to darken. Sounds like a party, right?
A few months ago I experienced my very first aura, and let me tell you, it was insane! Cool and insane at the same time! You know when you accidently look into the flash of a camera and you can still see the white spot on your vision for a bit? Yeah, that’s how it started. At first it was teeny tiny, only about a pea size dark spot in the middle of my line of sight. But all too quickly it started to grow! And morph! And Glitter! After only about two or three minutes it had grown, inside my field of view, from a pea to about a foot tall, and it changed from a dot to a misshapen C. Once it took on the shape of the letter, that’s when the cool shit started to happen! First off, I couldn’t see ‘behind’ it. It was almost like it was a real thing hovering out in the space right in front of my eyes. I played with it (hubby wasn’t impressed) by waving my hand back and forth. One moment I had a thumb, and the next it was gone! Then I moved it further in and my hand was cut in two! Magic! As the C grew, it started to sparkle and glitter like a holograph of diamonds. It was quite pretty :)
From the time it started as a tiny blur, to the time it filled my field of vision, it was over and took all of about 15 minutes to complete. And the migraine to follow? Kicked me flat on my ass right after it decided that my stomach needed to be painfully empty. Suddenly the aura wasn’t so cool anymore. Maybe I forgot to mention it, but migraines suck.
What’s even more fun was dealing with them at work. See, I used to work in preschool. . . yeah. Not anymore. Long story short, I missed one too many days due to my invisible illness; mistakenly thought confiding in my boss would help, and yeah. . . they fired me.
So now I’m back to tweaking the meds. Again. In the past 3 months I’ve tried and changed them five times and have just started a brand new one today. So we’ll see where these ones get me. Hopefully I can get them under some sort of control. . . eventually. . . I hope.
And just so you know, Invisible Illness Week is coming up in September. Show your support to those who don’t look like they’re suffering. They are.
The cover art I used for this post can be found here. This artist has drawn what is damned near as close to the pain I feel exploding from my head each time I suffer an attack.
reblogged from Indie Chicks Cafe